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1. Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Other think that they could just make as much noise as they want. Discuss both of views and give your opinion. v.1

1. Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Other think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 1
Nowadays, it is clear that some people think that some essential measures should be applied to control noise. Meanwhile some individuals say that they can make noise as they like. I completely agree that it is better to reduce noise. On the one hand, there are several reasons that people tend to make noise as they like. Firstly, some people feel more comfortable and free when creating noise from different activities and entertainment. For example, many of them have a trend that turning volume louder to enjoy their favorite songs which help them relaxed after a hectic day, although it can disturb their next-door neighbors. Moreover, someone think that noise is a part of industrialization and modernization process and it is unavoidable. The traffic noise or machine noise become familiar with urban citizens. While they feel do not have any exactly reasons to controls noise. On the other hand, I think that there are various benefits if government impose some laws to strictly control noise. Firstly, noise has a harmful impact on people’s health. For example, I cannot go to bed in the night because of intrusive sounds. It has a huge impact on my quality work. I am not able to attention to my project and my health become bad. Meanwhile, the productivity of work may be reduced as a consequence of noise. A lot of white-collar workers feedback that they cannot fully attention to their work because of the constant noise from vehicles on the street or machine noise. In conclusion, I agree that people can make the noise if they want. But it should be limited in order to have a better life.
Nowadays, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
essential measures should
be applied
to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Meanwhile
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals say that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they like. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
noise.

On the one hand, there are several reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
as they like.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel more comfortable and free when creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
activities and entertainment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them have a trend that turning volume louder to enjoy their favorite songs which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them relaxed after a hectic day, although it can disturb their
next
-door neighbors.
Moreover
, someone
The pronoun 'someone' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "thinks", "thought".
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is a part of industrialization and modernization process and it is unavoidable. The traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
or machine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
become familiar with urban citizens.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
they feel do not have any exactly reasons to
The verb after "to" should be in the base form: "control".
controls
noise.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are various benefits if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
laws to
strictly
control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
has a harmful impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
For example
, I cannot go to bed in the night
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of intrusive sounds. It has a huge impact on my quality work. I am not able to attention to my project and my health become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
. Meanwhile, the productivity of work may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as a consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
white-collar workers feedback that they cannot
fully
attention to their work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
from vehicles on the street or machine noise.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
if they want.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it should
be limited
in order to have a better life.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. Some people think that there should be some strict controls about noise. Other think that they could just make as much noise as they want. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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