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1. If you planned to become an elementary school teacher, would you take an elective course on child psychology or on physical education? v.1

1. If you planned to become an elementary school teacher, would you take an elective course on child psychology or on physical education? v. 1
Some people argue that homeschooling is better for the development of children while others disagree and opine that children should go to an educational institution. In my opinion, both home schooling and regular schooling have their merits and demerits. However, I am in favour of sending children to an educational institution because it is more beneficial for their overall development and prepares them for their future. The biggest advantage of homeschooling is that children can learn at their pace and at a time convenient for them and their parent or teacher. Children attending regular schools cannot have this luxury. Also when children learn at home, their teacher or parent can give them 100 percent attention. This is particularly beneficial for slow learners who need more time and attention to grasp concepts. On the flip side, when a child learns at home, she gets hardly any opportunity to interact with other children. A school is much more than a place where children learn alphabets and arithmetic. It is a microcosm of the world. Children get to interact with a lot of strangers at school. Also, they face many challenges. All of these improve their social skills and help them learn valuable coping skills which will prepare them for their future. By contrast, homeschooled children have hardly any interaction with the outside world and may be in for a rude shock when they enter the job market. Even if they do well in academics, their lack of social skills and real world experience may affect their ability to find a good job. To conclude, while it is true that homeschooling does have some advantages, I am in favour of sending children to regular schools because a lot of skills that they learn at school cannot be learned or taught at home.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that homeschooling is better for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while others disagree and opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should go to an educational institution. In my opinion, both
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
and regular schooling have their merits and demerits.
However
, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to an educational institution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is more beneficial for their
overall
development and prepares them for their future.

The biggest advantage of homeschooling is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at their pace and at a time convenient for them and their parent or teacher.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
attending regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cannot have this luxury.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at home, their teacher or parent can give them 100 percent attention. This is
particularly
beneficial for slow learners who need more time and attention to grasp concepts.

On the flip side, when a child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learns
at home, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hardly any opportunity to interact with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is much more than a place where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
alphabets and arithmetic. It is a microcosm of the world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to interact with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
strangers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Also
, they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
challenges. All of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
valuable coping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which will prepare them for their future. By contrast, homeschooled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have hardly any interaction with the outside world and may be in for a rude shock when they enter the job market. Even if they do well in academics, their lack of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and real world experience may affect their ability to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job.

To conclude
, while it is true that homeschooling does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages, I am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
cannot
be learned
or taught at home.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay 1. If you planned to become an elementary school teacher, would you take an elective course on child psychology or on physical education? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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