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1. Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.1

1. Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 1
With the development of modern technology, children will expose themselves in the digital world. It is inevitable that they could be attracted by watching TV and spend less time in studying, such as reading books. Some people think that watching TV is the major reason that prevents children from gaining knowledge and contributes less well-educated nowadays. I personally disagree with them and believe that watching TV properly  will help children to gain knowledge. To begin with, although there is a variety of television programs all day through, guiding children to select age-suitable programs to watch with limited schedule will enhance children's learning and expand their knowledge efficiently.  With digital video technology, many educational channels provide vivid programs to help the students in learning their major subjects. For example, watching some programs on TV channels on chemistry topics which will assist the students in learning better what they learn and read from their chemistry textbooks. In addition, there are many well-filmed document TV shows relevant to many aspects of education. For example, after reading a history texture book or books relevant to historical architectures, student will a have better understand if they watch some TV programs relevant to what they read. TV programs provide opportunities to students to learn in a vivid methods if properly guiding them to select TV programs with smart schedules. Of course, spending too much time to watch TV instead of reading books will compromise children's study. In conclusion, well-filmed TV program with proper contents will enhance students learning by providing vivid picture and clear explanation. Students should select to watch TV programs with limited time schedules so that they will benefit from the TV shows.
With the development of modern technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will expose themselves in the digital world. It is inevitable that they could
be attracted
by watching TV and spend less time in studying, such as reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that watching TV is the major reason that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from gaining knowledge and contributes less well-educated nowadays. I
personally
disagree with them and believe that watching TV
properly
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to gain knowledge.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
 with, although there is a variety of television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
all day through, guiding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to select age-suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
with limited schedule will enhance children's learning and expand their knowledge
efficiently
.  With digital video technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
educational channels provide vivid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in learning their major subjects.
For example
, watching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
on TV channels on chemistry topics which will assist the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in learning better what they learn and read from their chemistry textbooks.

In addition
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
well-filmed document TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
relevant to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of education.
For example
, after reading a history texture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
relevant to historical architectures,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
will a have better understand if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
relevant to what they read. TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
provide opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to learn in a vivid methods if
properly
guiding them to select TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with smart schedules.
Of course
, spending too much time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
instead
of reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
will compromise children's study.

In conclusion
, well-filmed TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
with proper contents will enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learning by providing vivid picture and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
explanation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should select to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
with limited time schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will benefit from the TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay 1. Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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