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writing task 1-international students proportion

writing task 1-international students proportion dq59P
The graph gives information about how many foreign students graduate from Canadian universities which is located 8 different provinces in terms of the proportion change over six years period. According to the graph, in 2001, Ontario had the lowest rate around 3% compared the other provinces. Then, Newfoundland&Labrador and Manitoba followed it with almost same rates. They were just a little bit over than 3%. Besides, the highest ratio belonged New Brunswick in that year and it also held its position with the largest percentage in the 2006. Generally, the percentages of learners from abroad were around 3-7% in 2001 and the following years there was a considerably increase, except Alberta, in the percentages which means around 5-11%. A more detailed look at the data reveal that, there was a reverse change about Alberta over those years. While the percentage of international students of other areas were increasing, Alberta had a decrease. Overall, all provinces, except Alberta, had a rise between 2001 and 2006. Especially, British Columbia had the most significant growth.
The graph gives information about how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
foreign students graduate from Canadian universities which
is located
8
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
provinces in terms of the proportion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
over six years period.

According to the graph, in 2001, Ontario had the lowest rate around 3% compared the other provinces. Then,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Newfoundland&Labrador
and Manitoba followed it with almost same rates. They were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than 3%.
Besides
, the highest ratio belonged New Brunswick in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
and it
also
held its position with the largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in the 2006.
Generally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
of learners from abroad were around 3-7% in 2001 and the following years there was a
You used an adverb ('considerably') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
considerably increase
, except Alberta, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentages
which means around 5-11%.

A more detailed look at the data reveal that, there was a reverse
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
about Alberta over those years. While the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of international students of other areas were increasing, Alberta had a decrease.

Overall
, all provinces, except Alberta, had a rise between 2001 and 2006.
Especially
, British Columbia had the most significant growth.

IELTS academic writing task 1-international students proportion

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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