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write about the number of people going to fast food restaurants in the years 2003 and 2006 and share your opinion

write about the number of people going to fast food restaurants in the years 2003 and 2006 and share your opinion QLK1L
The two pie charts presented capture data describing the proportions of 5 different modes of transportation ( foot, bus, train, car and other) used by people in a European city to travel between their office and home in 1959 and 2009. Overall, in 1959 the majority of people preferred using their foot over all other facilities available, and a few used other transportation means. Not only is this point clear, but also in 2009 cars became the most common method used to reach office. A specific analysis reveals that cars and other together accounted for 15 percent, which matched with bus and train usage in 1959. Similarly, in 2009, combination use of bus and other was at 25%, which paralleled the 25% of walking. Notably, fifty- five% of the population traveled by foot in 1959 compared to 35% in 2009. The number of people using the train was the same in both the years. On a final note of comparison, the average distance between home to the office almost increased by 15 km and the time is taken to reach the destination also increased to 42 km from the previous of 17km.
The two pie charts presented capture data describing the proportions of 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
modes of transportation
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
foot, bus, train, car and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a European city to travel between their office and home in 1959 and 2009.

Overall
, in 1959 the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferred using their foot over all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities available, and a few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
transportation means. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is this point
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in 2009 cars became the most common method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to reach office.

A specific analysis reveals that cars and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
together accounted for 15 percent, which matched with bus and train usage in 1959.
Similarly
, in 2009, combination
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of bus and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
was at 25%, which paralleled the 25% of walking.

Notably
, fifty-
Possible spelling mistake found.
five%
of the population traveled by foot in 1959 compared to 35% in 2009. The number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using the train was the same in both the years. On a final note of comparison, the average distance between home to the office almost increased by 15 km and the time
is taken
to reach the destination
also
increased to 42 km from
The phrase 'the previous of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the previous of
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "17 km"
17km
.
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IELTS academic write about the number of people going to fast food restaurants in the years 2003 and 2006 and share your opinion

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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