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Write a PARAGRAPH (of at least 150 words) about the benefits of extracurricular activities

Write a PARAGRAPH (of at least 150 words) about the benefits of extracurricular activities PkR6w
Extracurricular activities are activities outside of school hours that we do to relax as well as gain more knowledge. Extra-curricular activities bring us many benefits, the most prominent of which is to give us more knowledge. After stressful school hours, we are all very tired and bored, and the best way to relieve stress and boredom is through extracurricular activities. When we work or study continuously without rest, it is very harmful to the body, so we have to relax, and that is extracurricular activities. For example, a book can bring many wonderful things that take us away from all the hustle and bustle of life, bringing us into a world of the endless richness of imagination. In addition, extracurricular activities also bring us many useful things. People can learn how to communicate and respond in social with friends and learn much useful knowledge for our life. For example, when we learn to program, we not only learn difficult algorithms but also learn how to think to solve problems. In short, extracurricular activities give us a lot of knowledge and benefits. So we need to actively participate in extracurricular activities to experience and take advantage of those benefits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
outside of school hours that we do to relax
as well
as gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Extra-curricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
bring us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, the most prominent of which is to give us more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. After stressful school hours, we are all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
tired and bored, and the best way to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and boredom is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. When we work or study
continuously
without rest, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
relax, and
that is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, a book can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
wonderful things that take us away from all the hustle and bustle of life, bringing us into a world of the endless richness of imagination.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
also
bring us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful things.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to communicate and respond in social with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
much useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
for our life.
For example
, when we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to program, we not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
difficult algorithms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
to solve problems.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and benefits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
we need to
actively
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
to experience and take advantage of those benefits.
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IELTS academic Write a PARAGRAPH (of at least 150 words) about the benefits of extracurricular activities

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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