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winter and summer Olympics game

winter and summer Olympics game yGQbE
The bar chart and graph illustrate the most medal winner countries in both summer and winter Olympics. The bar chart is ranked among the top 5 medal winner countries diving by the type of medal. Overall, in winter games, Norway is in lead in number of medals earned, which won almost 300 medals. While in summer Olympics USA with almost 1. 500 more medal earned stands out. Countries that are the best in winter games includes Norway, USA, Germany, USSR and Canada. Norway reached the most number of medals in winter Olympic games and USA with a slightly amount less than that, stands in second place. Canada won approximately 150 medal and is in fifth place. Regarding the summer Olympics, the first place is USA with over 2500 number of medals and other 4 countries have significantly lower number of medals. Great Britain, Germany and France with reaching less than 1000 number are in third to fifth place respectively
The bar chart and graph illustrate the most
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medal
winner countries in both summer and
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winter
Olympics. The bar chart
is ranked
among the top 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medal
winner countries diving by the type of medal.

Overall
, in
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winter
games, Norway is in lead in
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
earned, which won almost 300
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
in summer Olympics USA with almost 1. 500 more
Possible agreement error. The noun 'medal' seems to be countable, so consider using: "medals".
medal
earned stands out.

Countries that are the best in
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winter
games includes Norway, USA, Germany, USSR and Canada. Norway reached the most
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Olympic games
and USA with a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('amount') instead of another adjective.
slightly amount
less than that, stands in second place. Canada won approximately 150
Possible agreement error. The noun 'medal' seems to be countable, so consider using: "medals".
medal
and is in fifth place.

Regarding the summer Olympics, the
first
place is USA with over 2500
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number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
and other 4 countries have
significantly
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "lowed", "lowered".
lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medals
. Great Britain, Germany and France with reaching less than 1000
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number
are in third to fifth place
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
respectively
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IELTS academic winter and summer Olympics game

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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