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this line chart depicts the numbers of unemployment in two different countries: USA, and Japan from 1993 to 1999.

this line chart depicts the numbers of unemployment in two different countries: USA, and Japan from 1993 to 1999. Ol1np
this line chart depicts the numbers of unemployment in two different countries: USA, and Japan from 1993 to 1999. It is clear from the graph that there is a significant difference between them. Us showed a rapid reduction during the whole period, nearly to Japan by the end of 1999. According to what is shown, United states started from 7% to its sharp decrease by 5. 5 in 1993 to 1995 respectively of the unemployed workforce. After that, a gradual sour detected in one year but the ratio has begun to drop sharply to it is the lowest rate till it reached 4%. Japan, on the other hand, increased substantially in general, but there was a slight drop in the years 1996 and 1998. After 1998, Japan's workforce proportion rocketed to its highest level by 1999 from 3. 5% to 4%. to sum up, we could say that Japan has a more proportion than the United States which showed a reduction of the unemployment rates. This bar chart depicts the rate of 100 students for each gender who attended various school education levels based on the development of nations between 1990 and 1998. It is clear from the graph that the proportion of male students were higher than females in these two periods in general. According to what is shown, in developing countries, the percentage of girls who enrolled in primary school had the major increment between the other education levels. This number increased slightly at the end of the 1990s. On the other hand, the developed countries showed an equivalent figure of both gender in primary and secondary school while in high school, the rate of girls learners climbed substantially from 1990 to 1998. In tertiary education, the girls outnumbered the boys by 5% and 12% in all intervals respectively, and above its target between all categories of educational levels. to sum up, we could say that the difference in girls' numbers was similar to boys in developed nations whereas in other were demonstrable.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
line chart depicts the numbers of unemployment in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries: USA, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
from 1993 to 1999. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that there is a significant difference between them. Us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a rapid reduction during the whole period,
nearly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1999.

According to what
is shown
,
The proper noun "United States" needs to be capitalized.
United states
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
from 7% to its sharp decrease by 5. 5 in 1993 to 1995
respectively
of the unemployed workforce. After that, a gradual sour detected in one year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the ratio has begun to drop
sharply
to it is the lowest rate till it reached
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
4%. Japan
, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, increased
substantially
in general
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there was a slight drop in the years 1996 and 1998. After 1998, Japan's workforce proportion rocketed to its highest level by 1999 from 3. 5% to 4%.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
sum up, we could say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
has a more proportion than the United States which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a reduction of the unemployment rates.

This bar chart depicts the rate of 100 students for each gender who attended various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
education levels based on the development of nations between 1990 and 1998. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that the proportion of male students were higher than females in these two periods
in general
.

According to what
is shown
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, the percentage of girls who enrolled in primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
had the major increment between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
education levels. This number increased
slightly
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the 1990s.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an equivalent figure of both gender in primary and secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while in high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the rate of girls learners climbed
substantially
from 1990 to 1998. In tertiary education, the girls outnumbered the boys by 5% and 12% in all intervals
respectively
, and above its target between all categories of educational levels.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
sum up, we could say that the difference in girls' numbers was similar to boys in developed nations whereas in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
were demonstrable.
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IELTS academic this line chart depicts the numbers of unemployment in two different countries: USA, and Japan from 1993 to 1999.

Academic
  American English
8 paragraphs
335 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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