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The impact of instant foods

The impact of instant foods 0AYrG
This diagram shows how instant noodles are manufactured and I am going to say the way of cooking instant noodles. First of all, you take flour in the storage silos and mix with water and oil. Next, you make dough sheets by using rollers, then make it strips. If you can noodle discs, you cook it with oil. After drying it, you put noodle in a cup with vagetables and spices. And the end, you label and seal. I think we often eat instant noodle because it is too easy and too fast. When I don't want to cook anymore, It is very useful. However I noticed it contains oil too much in this diagram. So, it is not good for your health. If you eat it too much, you may become sick it is too bad, so I think it is not good thing that you eat too much.
This diagram
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
manufactured and
I am going to say the way of cooking instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodles
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, you take flour in the storage silos and mix with water and oil.

Next
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
dough sheets by using rollers, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it strips. If you can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodle
discs, you cook it with oil. After drying it, you put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodle
in a cup with
Possible spelling mistake found.
vagetables
and spices. And the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, you label and seal.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
eat instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noodle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is too easy and too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
. When I don't want to cook anymore, It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I noticed it contains oil too much in this diagram.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for your health. If you eat it too much, you may become sick it is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
thing that you eat too much.

IELTS academic The impact of instant foods

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
150 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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