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What graduate and postgraduate students did following graduation in 2008

What graduate and postgraduate students did following graduation in 2008 kLjgW
The charts show what UK graduate and postgraduate students did following graduation in 2008 if they did not go into full-time employment in 2008. First look at the two charts, we can see Further Study is the most done by both graduates and postgraduates. Where in the graduates chart, it is at the top from the others by far, whereas from the postgraduate students, it is the most done activity but it’s barely higher than Part Time work by around 200. Also we can see a little comparison between the two charts even though the number of students aren’t the same. But the ranking of each of these activities are very identical, with Voluntary Work being at the bottom from the others by far and Unemployment is at third behind Part Time work, then further studying is the most popular amongst these postgraduates and graduates themselves. In conclusion, even though the number of students aren’t the same, we can still see similarities between them.
The
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charts
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show
what UK
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graduate
and
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postgraduate
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students
did following graduation in 2008 if they did not go into full-time employment in 2008.

First
look at the two
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charts
, we can
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see
Further
Study is the most done by both
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graduates
and
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postgraduates
. Where in the
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graduates
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chart
, it is at the top from the others by far, whereas from the
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postgraduate
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students
, it is the most done activity
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but
it’s
barely
higher than Part Time work by around 200.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
we can
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see
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
comparison between the two
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charts
even though
the number of
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students
aren’t the same.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the ranking of each of these activities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
identical, with Voluntary Work being at the bottom from the others by far and Unemployment is at third behind Part Time work, then
further
studying is the most popular amongst these
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postgraduates
and
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graduates
themselves.

In conclusion
,
even though
the number of
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students
aren’t the same, we can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
similarities between them.
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IELTS academic What graduate and postgraduate students did following graduation in 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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