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Weekly earning of full-time gradute employee

Weekly earning of full-time gradute employee YwJkd
The line graph compares the weekly earnings of full-time employees who have a higher degree, first degree, and others at various ages in 2002. It is clear that the amount earned by three groups experienced an upward trend over the ages of 21 to 60. Especially, the other qualifications group witnessed the most dramatic changes in income. Beginning at about 420 pounds at age 21 - 25, other qualification goup had the highest weekly income among three ones. Then the amount of earning of this group dramatically increased at age of 33. But at 33 - 52 ages, it slightly declined to under 700 pounds for 55 - 60 years old, ranking seven with the same amount incomes of the first degree goup
The line graph compares the weekly earnings of full-time employees who have a higher degree,
first
degree,
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and others
at various
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ages
in 2002.

It is
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clear
that the amount earned by three groups experienced an upward trend over the
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ages
of 21 to 60.
Especially
, the other qualifications group witnessed the most dramatic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in income. Beginning at about
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420 pounds
at
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age
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
21 - 25
, other qualification
Possible spelling mistake found.
goup
had the highest weekly income among three ones. Then the amount of earning of this group
dramatically
increased at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 33.
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But
at
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
33 - 52
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ages
, it
slightly
declined to under
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700 pounds
for
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
55 - 60
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, ranking seven with the same amount incomes of the
first
degree
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
goup
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IELTS academic Weekly earning of full-time gradute employee

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
122 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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