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carbonated drink production stage

carbonated drink production stage alL6m
The diagram above details how to produce a drink with a carbonation method. Overall, water has to pass a number of steps which are divided into 5 main stages; beginning with water was filtered to be cleaned following by evaporation associated with carbonation, mixing in the storage tank and flowing and sealing each bottle or can then it is packed and sent to the market. The process starts at a water cleaning station which drink flows through a filter to be drink softener and adds special chemicals in then it has pumped to an electric heater to transform it become stream and reduce its temperature in a cooling pipe that attaches with a tank which carbon dioxide has filled already. From there, drink flows to the mixing tank to add more 3 ingredients such as color, syrup and flavor, filled once more, sealing in bottles and cans respectively. And sending their packages to the supermarket is the last process.
The diagram above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
how to produce a
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drink
with a carbonation method.
Overall
, water
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
pass a number of steps which
are divided
into 5 main stages; beginning with water
was filtered
to
be cleaned
following by evaporation associated with carbonation, mixing in the storage tank and flowing and sealing each bottle or can then it
is packed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the market.

The process
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
at a water cleaning station which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
flows through a filter to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
softener and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
special chemicals in then it has pumped to an electric heater to transform it become stream and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
its temperature in a cooling pipe that attaches with a tank which carbon dioxide has filled already.

From there,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drink
flows to the mixing tank to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more 3 ingredients such as color, syrup and flavor, filled once more, sealing in bottles and cans
respectively
. And sending their packages to the supermarket is the last process.
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IELTS academic carbonated drink production stage

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
159 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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