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weather in two Brazilian cities

weather in two Brazilian cities 0qNG
A breakdown of weather in two Brazilian cities which consist of sunshine absorption hours, thunder days, and temperature measurement is presented in two bar charts. Overall, it can be seen that a contrast trend between Brasilia and Recife is showed in rainfall, regarding Brasilia experiences far lower figure in the middle of year than other. However, Recife has slightly more consistent temperature that the one over 12 months. To Begin, there is surge emerging of rainfall from the beginning to the end of year in Brasilia, while one reverses. The first four months, the precipitation of rainfall goes down gradually from at almost 250 mm with 21 days rain to about 50 mm with 12 days rain in Brasilia. In contrast, Recife witnesses a considerably increase with 12 to 21 days rain from January to April respectively 50 mm and 220 mm. A more detailed look at the chart displays that rainfall in Recife happens substantially higher proportion than the other in the middle of the year in average 6 hours of sunshine and a day with thunder. Finally over the end of the time frame, the rainfall grows up gradually in Brasilia with maximum 24 days rain, 16 days thunder, and 7 hours sunshine, whereas the one gains rarely rainfall with 50 mm, 10 days rain and 8 hours sunshine in average. Having said that, Brasilia has very more extreme condition than other when it comes to temperature. While over 12 months in Recife tends to be stable at average 20 - 35 degree, the one shows a fluctuate situation. On May to August, Brasilia hits the lowest point of temperature at under 5 degree even 0 degree on June.
A breakdown of weather in two Brazilian cities which consist of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
absorption
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, thunder days, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
measurement
is presented
in two bar charts.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that a contrast trend between
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
and Recife is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
, regarding
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
experiences far lower figure in the middle of year than other.
However
, Recife has
slightly
more consistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
that the one over 12 months.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Begin
, there is surge emerging of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
from the beginning to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of year in
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
, while one reverses. The
first
four months, the precipitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
goes down
gradually
from at almost 250 mm with 21 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
to about 50 mm with 12 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
in
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
.
In contrast
, Recife witnesses a
You used an adverb ('considerably') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('increase') instead of another adjective.
considerably increase
with 12 to 21 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
from January to April
respectively
50 mm and 220 mm.

A more detailed look at the chart displays that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
in Recife happens
substantially
higher proportion than the other in the middle of the year in average 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
and a day with thunder.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the time frame, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rainfall
grows up
gradually
in
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
with maximum 24 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
, 16 days thunder, and 7
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hours
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sunshine
, whereas the one
The adverb 'rarely' is usually put before the verb 'gains'.
gains rarely
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rainfall
with 50 mm, 10 days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rain
and 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sunshine
in average.

Having said that,
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
more extreme condition than other when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
. While over 12 months in Recife tends to be stable at average
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
20 - 35
degree, the one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'fluctuate' is correct. If 'fluctuate' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a fluctuate
situation. On May to August,
'Brasilia' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Brasília"
Brasilia
hits the lowest point of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
temperature
at under 5 degree even 0 degree on June.
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IELTS academic weather in two Brazilian cities

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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