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water usage in agriculture, domestic and industry

water usage in agriculture, domestic and industry 0E5QO
The pie chart demonstrates the ways in which water was utilized in 2000 in 3 different purposes, while the bar chart illustrates the usage in 4 countries around the world for these aspects in the same year. Overall, agriculture was the most activity which consumed water in that year. India and China were on the top in consuming water for farming, while Canada utilized most of the water resources in industrial activities. New Zealand had almost the same usage rate for domestic and farming activities. About 70 percent of water was used in agriculture, while the usage rate for industry and domestic was just 22 and 8 percent respectively. This huge utilization in the agriculture because of the consumption of India and China with 92 and 69 percent respectively. On the other hand, 80 percent of water in Canada was used in industrial jobs, and in New Zealand, there was a quite similar behavior in using water in agriculture and domestic with percentages of 44 and 46 percent respectively.
The pie chart demonstrates the ways in which
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water
was utilized
in 2000 in 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes, while the bar chart illustrates the usage in 4 countries around the world for these aspects in the same year.

Overall
,
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agriculture
was the most activity which consumed
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water
in that year. India and China were on the top in consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for farming, while Canada utilized most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
resources in industrial activities. New Zealand had almost the same usage rate for domestic and farming activities.

About 70
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percent
of
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water
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
, while the usage rate for industry and domestic was
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just
22 and 8
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percent
respectively
. This huge utilization in the
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agriculture
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the consumption of India and China with 92 and 69
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percent
respectively
.

On the other hand
, 80
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percent
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in Canada was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in industrial jobs, and in New Zealand, there was a quite similar behavior in using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agriculture
and domestic with percentages of 44 and 46
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
respectively
.

IELTS academic water usage in agriculture, domestic and industry

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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