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violation neither on Television or PC entertainment applications have harmful consequences on the community

violation neither on Television or PC entertainment applications have harmful consequences on the community yxwOM
It is believed that displayed violation neither on Television or PC entertainment applications have harmful consequences on the community. In my opinion, I strongly agree with that this showed violence have a negative impact on our community. Firstly, i believe that daily television shows and superiorly addictive computer games which is containing a violence content highly affect the whole community by targeting the adolescent age, in other wards, this age group easily get affected negatively by contents that they watch. For instance, little children usually plays with each other in a roles they watched recently neither on TV or PCs, they could jump up or clamp walls insecurely in attempt to be like superman! That's why those content may be harmful on the entire society and should be dealt carefully. Secondly, most of displayed TV shows and computer games are displayed by famous actors who is the role model for almost people, in other words, people tend to take those famous actors personality and their related behaviors, for example, now days many adults acts like the popular actor Mohammad ramadan who is a well-know arabian action actor, where most adolescents act like him in daily basis. thus we have to be aware to this harmful effect.
It
is believed
that displayed violation neither on Television
Use "nor" with neither.
or
PC entertainment applications have harmful consequences on the community. In my opinion, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
violence have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on our community.

Firstly
,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that daily television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
superiorly
addictive computer games which
The verb 'containing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is containing
a violence content
highly
affect the whole community by targeting the adolescent age, in other wards, this age group
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
negatively
by contents that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
children
usually
plays with each other in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a role" or simply "roles"?
a roles
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
recently neither on TV
Use "nor" with neither.
or
PCs, they could jump up or clamp walls
insecurely
in attempt to be like superman! That's why those content may be harmful on the entire society and should
be dealt
carefully
.

Secondly
, most of displayed TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and computer games
are displayed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
who
Did you mean "am", "are", "aren"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'actors' should be used.
is
the role model for almost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
in other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to take those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actors
personality and their related behaviors,
for example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults acts like the popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
Mohammad
Possible spelling mistake found.
ramadan
who is a well-know
Possible spelling mistake found.
arabian
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
actor
, where most adolescents act like him in daily basis.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
thus
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be aware to this harmful effect.

IELTS academic violation neither on Television or PC entertainment applications have harmful consequences on the community

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
206 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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