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US household expenditure,2000-2007

US household expenditure, 2000-2007 l7p3D
The given bar graph illustrated the information about the US residents spending on different types of household expenditure in 8 consecutive years, starting from 2000. Overall, it can be seen that the expenditure on groceries was the most spending in the US residents during the giving period, while spending on the internet was the least. According to the bar graph, the expenditure on groceries was the highest purchasing throughout the period. Starting from just over 70% to nearly 90% in 2003. The following year it reaches a peak at 90%. Then it had steadily decreased to the same in 2000 figure by 2007. In addition, it is clear that purchasing on electricity and internet shared a similar pattern, it had an upward trend. Spending on electricity stably went up from 37% to 61%, although it slightly rose up in the last two years. There was a substantial rocket in spending on the internet from 2% to over 40%. This rise was especially remarkable between 2004 to 2007, during which time the spending on internet rose tripled. In conclusion, when comparing the three graphs, it is apparent that the gap between the three categories had narrowed noticeably over the second half of the period question.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph illustrated the information about the US residents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of household expenditure in 8 consecutive years, starting from 2000.
Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the expenditure on groceries was the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
in the US residents during the giving period, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the internet was the least. According to the bar graph, the expenditure on groceries was the highest purchasing throughout the period. Starting from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 70% to
nearly
90% in 2003. The following year it reaches a peak at 90%. Then it had
steadily
decreased to the same in 2000 figure by 2007.
In addition
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that purchasing on electricity and internet shared a similar pattern, it had an upward trend.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spending
on electricity
stably
went up from 37% to 61%, although it
slightly
rose up in the last two years. There was a substantial rocket in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on the internet from 2% to over 40%. This rise was
especially
remarkable
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 2004 and 2007".
between 2004 to 2007
, during which time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
on internet rose tripled.
In conclusion
, when comparing the three graphs, it is apparent that the gap between the three categories had narrowed
noticeably
over the second half of the period question.
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IELTS academic US household expenditure, 2000-2007

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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