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unemployment rate in Australia, 2012

unemployment rate in Australia, 2012 p58oL
The Given Chart shows the Unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 and the blue line indicates the Rural areas and the red line describes Urban areas. Passage 1: In the chart, it describes four quarters of the year related to the areas of unemployment. First, when we observe the Rural areas, it started with 65% in the first quarter and it gradually dropped down to 45% in the second quarter. But there is a raise from second up to 55% of rate and form there it fluctuates to the fourth quarter of the year reaches to 50% of unemployment. Passage 2: When coming to the Urban areas, it started with 21% in the first quarter it roses to 40% of the rate to the second quarter. Initially, the percentage rate has been dropped down from 40% to 21% in the third quarter. From there the percentage rate has been increased up to 48% in the fourth quarter. Overview: Comparing the unemployment rate in Australia in 2012 of Urban and rural areas, there is a huge increase in the Urban areas unemployment rate to 28% and in rural areas, it decreased to 15%.
The
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Given
Chart
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shows
the
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Unemployment
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rate
in Australia in 2012 and the blue line indicates the
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Rural
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areas
and the red line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
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Urban
areas.

Passage 1: In the chart, it
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describes
four
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quarters
of the year related to the
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areas
of
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unemployment
.
First
, when we observe the
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Rural
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areas
, it
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started
with 65% in the
first
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quarter
and it
gradually
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropped".
dropped down
to 45% in the second
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quarter
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there is a raise from second up to 55% of
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rate
and form there it fluctuates to the fourth
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quarter
of the year reaches to 50% of unemployment.

Passage 2: When coming to the
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Urban
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areas
, it
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started
with 21% in the
first
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quarter
it roses to 40% of the
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rate
to the second
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quarter
.
Initially
, the percentage
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rate
has been
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dropped down
from 40% to 21% in the third
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quarter
. From there the percentage
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rate
has
been increased
up to 48% in the fourth quarter.

Overview: Comparing the
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unemployment
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rate
in Australia in 2012 of
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Urban
and
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rural
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areas
, there is a huge increase in the
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Urban
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
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unemployment
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rate
to 28% and in
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rural
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areas
, it decreased to 15%.
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IELTS academic unemployment rate in Australia, 2012

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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