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UK's aging population in 1985 and predictions for 2035

UK's aging population in 1985 and predictions for 2035 Y2kbm
The given bar chart demonstrates the proportion of the UK citizens’ age ranging from 65 and over throughout a 50-year period. From the overall perspective, the number of elderly people in the UK seemed to fluctuate relatively in 1985. However, it was anticipated that the percentage of this age group will go up dramatically by the year 2035. According to the data, the peak of people who reached the age of 65 and over belonged to Wales' number in 1985. It was estimated at around 17%, which was nearly 5% over than the lowest figures of Northern Ireland. In addition, the graph also makes predictions of the remarkably onward trend in the age groups of the elderly. Wales will obviously remain the all-time highest figures at around 27% while Northern Ireland and the UK will be considered to be equivalent with roughly 22% and 23% respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart demonstrates the proportion of the UK citizens’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
ranging from 65 and over throughout a 50-year period.

From the
overall
perspective, the number of elderly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the UK seemed to fluctuate
relatively
in 1985.
However
, it
was anticipated
that the percentage of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
group will go up
dramatically
by the year 2035.

According to the data, the peak of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who reached the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 65 and over belonged to Wales' number in 1985. It
was estimated
at around 17%, which was
nearly
5%
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than the lowest figures of Northern Ireland.

In addition
, the graph
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
predictions of the
remarkably
onward trend in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups of the elderly. Wales will
obviously
remain the all-time highest figures at around 27% while Northern Ireland and the UK will
be considered
to be equivalent with roughly 22% and 23%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic UK's aging population in 1985 and predictions for 2035

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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