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typical daily demand for electricity in winter and summer.

typical daily demand for electricity in winter and summer. MMORo
The diagram compare typical daily demand for electricity in winter and summer. At the same time they illustrate what the electricity is preferred for in winter. the date is given percentages. Overall, the electricity is used far more in winter by people. While in summer the electricity is less necessary. furthermore, people most used the electricity for the purpose heating water, heating rooms. The line graph makes it clear that index for electricity demand experience a considerably growth from its initial 34 million to just below 50 million with falling steadily between 6 o'clock and 9 am in winter days. Next it falls by 34 million when day ends. Additionally there is briefly fluctuation in demand for electricity at 18 million in summer. According to pie chart, the figure for using the electricity for heating rooms and water made up 52. 5 % and both using electricity for oven, kettles, washing machine and lightning, tv, radio comprised 15. 0%. While electric tools was higher by 2. 5% when contrasted to them.
The diagram compare typical daily demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
and summer. At the same time they illustrate what the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is preferred
for in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
date is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
percentages.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
far more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. While in summer the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
is less necessary.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for the purpose heating water, heating rooms. The line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that index for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
demand experience a
You used an adverb ('considerably') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('growth') instead of another adjective.
considerably growth
from its initial 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
with falling
steadily
between 6 o'clock and 9 am in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
winter
days.
Next
it falls by 34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
when day ends.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
there is
briefly
fluctuation in demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
at 18
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in summer. According to pie chart, the figure for using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for heating rooms and water made up 52. 5 % and both using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electricity
for oven, kettles, washing machine and lightning,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
, radio comprised 15. 0%.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
electric tools was higher by 2. 5% when contrasted to them.
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IELTS academic typical daily demand for electricity in winter and summer.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
171 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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