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two maps showing the road access to a hospital

two maps showing the road access to a hospital blng
The two maps depict the routes leading to a city hospital in the year 2007 and in 2010. Overall, the combined parking lot for State and public is changed to stall cox park whereas a separate is made to the East of the ring road around the city hospital. Furthermore, the bus stops vanished in the latter one and two roundabouts and one bus station to the west of the Hospital that becomes the part of the new map. In regard to the road access in 2007, there were six bus stops three on each side of the Hospital road, whereas there was only one car parking meant for both public as well as staff. The road structure in the 2010 updated with the addition roundabouts one on the intersection at the west the city road and the other is at the Hospital road and ring road intersection. In addition, a bus station is constructed on the left side of the hospital.
The two maps depict the routes leading to a city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
in the year 2007 and in 2010.

Overall
, the combined parking lot for State and public is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
to stall cox park whereas a separate
is made
to the East of the ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
around the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
Furthermore
, the bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
vanished in the latter one and two roundabouts and one bus station to the west of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
that becomes the part of the new map. In regard to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
access in 2007, there were six
Possible agreement error. The noun 'bus' seems to be countable, so consider using: "buses", "busses".
bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
three on each side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
, whereas there was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one car parking meant for both public
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
staff. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
structure in the 2010 updated with the addition roundabouts one on the intersection at the west the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and the other is at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
and ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
intersection.
In addition
, a bus station
is constructed
on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.

IELTS academic two maps showing the road access to a hospital

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
162 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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