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The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. qYEX
The pie chart illustrates how the origin of renewables energy give as rise in Germany and France in 2009. Overall, both countries have all types and renewable energy source of electricity generation in the year 2009. Germany has lower electricity generation compares to France in all types and renewables energy. the energy of both countries are Measured by billions of kilowatt in the year 2009. Firstly, the country Germany have two different types of energy sources one represent all types in that conventional thermal has maximum percentage of 59. 6%. other sources in depicts nuclear and renewables are having percent of 23. 0% and 17. 4% respectively. On the the other hand, renewables has maximum uses of biomass and wind in rate of 39. 3% and 36. 9%. other three source of electricity generation is hydroelectricity use 17. 7% and solar and geothermal energy uses very less in Germany only solar energy uses 6. 1%. Secondly, France country has uses very huge amount of Nuclear of 76. 0% related to conventional thermal uses only 10. 3% and other renewables uses 13. 7% respectively in all types resources. whereas, in renewables maximum use of energy is hydroelectricity in percent of 80. 5%, rather than wind and biomass has uses little bit 10. 5% and 8. 1%. however the solar and geothermal quantity is 0. 0%.
The pie chart illustrates how the origin of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
renewables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
give as rise in Germany and France in 2009.
Overall
, both
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countries
have all
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types
and
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renewable
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energy
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source
of electricity generation in the year 2009. Germany has lower electricity generation compares to France in all
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types
and
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renewables
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energy
.
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the
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energy
of both
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countries
are Measured
by billions of kilowatt in the year 2009.
Firstly
, the
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country
Germany have two
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different
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types
of
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energy
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sources
one represent all
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types
in that conventional thermal has maximum percentage of 59. 6%.
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other
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sources
in depicts nuclear and
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renewables
are having percent of 23. 0% and 17. 4%
respectively
. On
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
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other
hand,
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renewables
has maximum
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uses
of biomass and wind in rate of 39. 3% and 36. 9%.
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other
three
Possible agreement error. The noun 'source' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sources".
source
of electricity generation is hydroelectricity
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use
17. 7% and solar and geothermal
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energy
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uses
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very
less in Germany
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only
solar
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energy
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uses
6. 1%.
Secondly
, France
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country
has
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uses
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
huge amount of Nuclear of 76. 0% related to conventional thermal
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uses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10. 3% and
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other
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renewables
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uses
13. 7%
respectively
in all
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types
resources.
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whereas
, in
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renewables
maximum
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use
of
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energy
is hydroelectricity in percent of 80. 5%,
rather
than wind and biomass has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
uses
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
10. 5% and 8. 1%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
the solar and geothermal quantity is 0. 0%.
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IELTS academic The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
224 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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