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TOTHE CHART OF SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF MALES AND FEMALES WHO WERE OVERWEIGHT IN AUSTRALIA FROM

TOTHE CHART OF SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF MALES AND FEMALES WHO WERE OVERWEIGHT IN AUSTRALIA FROM ox3Dw
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of percentage of two sexes with obesity in Australia over the period from 1980 to 2010 as compared to women. Evidently, the proportion of women has been increasing and almost reaching the same proportion of fat men. However, after 2000's the number of obese men slightly decreased from almost 65 % to 60%. With regard to the female fraction, the level shows significant increase from 30% to 45% to around 55% in 2000. It highlights that, the continues rise shows a noticeable steady rate even after a decade. The percentage of fat men fluctuated over the period. Moreover, after the drastic rise for three decades it reveals a decline from 65% in 2000 to 60% in 2010.
The bar chart illustrates the comparison of percentage of two sexes with obesity in Australia over the period from 1980 to 2010 as compared to women.
Evidently
, the proportion of women has been increasing and almost reaching the same proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
However
, after
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "2000s".
2000's
the number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
slightly
decreased from almost 65 % to 60%. With regard to the female fraction, the level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
significant increase from 30% to 45% to around 55% in 2000. It highlights that, the continues rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a noticeable steady rate even after a decade. The percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
fluctuated over the period.
Moreover
, after the drastic rise for three decades it reveals a decline from 65% in 2000 to 60% in 2010.
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IELTS academic TOTHE CHART OF SHOWS THE PERCENTAGE OF MALES AND FEMALES WHO WERE OVERWEIGHT IN AUSTRALIA FROM

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
123 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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