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The charts shows information of ages of people getting matried in a country in 1996 and 2008

The charts shows information of ages of people getting matried in a country in 1996 and 2008 ebPOK
The variations which took place in the ratio of age at which men and women getting married in a nation in two years (1996 and 2008) has delineated by the supplied bar charts. Overall, in both given years, individuals aged between 25 and 34 tended to get married in great proportion as compared to other groups. On scrutinizing, ir is conspicuous that a negligible percentage of teenager females got married in 2008 which was less than a half of 1996. However, 6% young girl married in initial year, this proportion doubled in comparison of boys. Surprisingly, the statistics of given two genders aged around 25-29 soar up significantly. After being 40 to 44 years old, the ratio of females declined from 12% to 2%. Moreover, men dropped by 12%. Probing further, in 2008, the proportion of persons getting married whose age was 25-29 remained steady as it was 8 years ago. Whilst, a difference of 3% was witnessed in the case of 30-34 aged group in the beginning of 21st century. Meanwhile, it is clearly depicts that the females when their age was 35-39. What is more, the percentage of females and males was almost 2 and 6 (aged 40 to 44), respectively.
The variations which took place in the ratio of age at which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women getting married in a nation in two years (1996 and 2008) has delineated by the supplied bar charts.

Overall
, in both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
between 25 and 34 tended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in great proportion as compared to other groups.

On scrutinizing,
Possible spelling mistake found.
ir
is conspicuous that a negligible percentage of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married in 2008 which was less than a half of 1996.
However
, 6% young girl married in initial
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year
, this proportion doubled
in comparison
of boys.
Surprisingly
, the statistics of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two genders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
around 25-29 soar up
significantly
. After being 40 to 44 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the ratio of
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females
declined from 12% to 2%.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
dropped by 12%.

Probing
further
, in 2008, the proportion of persons getting married whose age was 25-29 remained steady as it was 8 years ago. Whilst, a difference of 3%
was witnessed
in the case of 30-34
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
group in the beginning of 21st century. Meanwhile, it is
clearly
depicts that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
when their age was 35-39.
What is more
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and males was almost 2 and 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(aged
40 to 44),
respectively
.

IELTS academic The charts shows information of ages of people getting matried in a country in 1996 and 2008

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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