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Total annual hours of sunshine for London, New York and Sydney

Total annual hours of sunshine for London, New York and Sydney nRga7
The line graph illustrates the total amount of hours of sunshine from three different cities, London, New York and Sydney in one year. Both London and New York witnessed a very similar trend across the year. Whilst the amount of hours from two cities was starting to rise from January and reached the peak in July at around 23 and 29 hours from London and New York. After July, the amount of hours began to decline and never increase again. The difference between two cities is the amount of hours of sunshine in London gradually grew and fell, compared to New York, the amount of hours dramatically went up and went down. On the other hand, the amount of hours in Sydney started at around 26 hours which was a lot higher compared to London and New York. Then, The graph began to drop sharply in March and reached the bottom in July at around 16 hours. Later, It increased dramatically to the same amount of hours as the beginning of the year. Overall, The amount of hours of sunshine in London and New York increased and then decreased throughout the whole year, but the amount of hours in Sydney fell in the first half of and then it rose again in the second half of the year
The line graph illustrates the total
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amount
of
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hours
of sunshine from three
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different
cities, London,
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New
York and Sydney in one year.

Both London and
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New
York witnessed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar trend across the year. Whilst the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
from two cities was starting to rise from January and reached the peak in July at around 23 and 29
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hours
from London and
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New
York. After July, the
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amount
of
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hours
began to decline and never increase again. The difference between two cities is the
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amount
of
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hours
of sunshine in London
gradually
grew and fell, compared to
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New
York, the
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amount
of
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hours
dramatically
went up and went down.

On the other hand
, the
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amount
of
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hours
in Sydney
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started
at around 26
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hours
which was a lot higher compared to London and
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New
York. Then, The graph began to drop
sharply
in March and reached the bottom in July at around 16
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hours
. Later, It increased
dramatically
to the same
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amount
of
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hours
as the beginning of the year.

Overall
, The
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sunshine in London and
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New
York increased and then decreased throughout the whole year,
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but
the
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amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in Sydney fell in the
first
half of and then it rose again in the second half of the year
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IELTS academic Total annual hours of sunshine for London, New York and Sydney

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
217 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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