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Those two maps show the evolution of a public park between 1920 and today.

Those two maps show the evolution of a public park between 1920 and today. 6m5PG
Those two maps show the evolution of a public park between 1920 and today. The first sketch shows how was originally the park when it was first open in 1920. The second draw shows the same park nowadays. At the origin, a century ago two gates were in the south and in the north, benches were available at the west side of those entrance. Benches could also be found at the southwest and northwest corners and two rose gardens were located between the seats near the entrance and those in the west corners. A fountain was in the middle of the park. Near the north gate on the east side was also a rose garden and in the same place near the south gate was located a glasshouse. At the east south corner was located a pond for water plants and in the last available corner more seats could be used. Lastly between the two rose gardens in the west side of the park and close to the fountain was a stage for musicians. The second map shows clear evolutions. The location of the two entrances remains unchanged but another entrance for an underground parking can now be find at the northeast corner. A rose garden now stands in the middle of the park where the fountain use to be. This garden is now surrounded by seats. The stage has become a huge amphitheater for concerts. On the northeast side there is now a café and a playground for the young ones and the glasshouse has been replaced by a water feature. Lastly the rose garden who was located between the two seats area near the north entrance in 1920 can still be find nowadays at the same emplacement. Those two sketches show how this public park has changed a lot in a century time, few things remain unmoved, and the park can difficultly be recognized.
Those two maps
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show
the evolution of a public
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park
between 1920 and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. The
first
sketch
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shows
how was
originally
the
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park
when it was
first
open in 1920. The second draw
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shows
the same
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park
nowadays.

At the origin, a century ago two gates were in the south and in the north, benches were available at the west side of those
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entrance
. Benches could
also
be found
at the southwest and northwest
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corners
and two
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rose
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gardens
were
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located
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
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near
the
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entrance
and those in the west
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corners
. A fountain was in the middle of the
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park
.
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Near
the north gate on the east side was
also
a
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rose
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garden
and in the same place
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near
the south gate was
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located
a glasshouse. At the east south
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corner
was
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located
a pond for water plants and in the last available
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corner
more
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seats
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.
Lastly
between the two
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rose
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gardens
in the west side of the
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park
and close to the fountain was a stage for musicians.

The second map
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shows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evolutions. The location of the two
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entrances
remains unchanged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
another
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entrance
for an underground parking can
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now
be
Consider using a past participle here: "found".
find
at the northeast
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corner
. A
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rose
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garden
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now
stands in the middle of the
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park
where the fountain
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be. This
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garden
is
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now
surrounded by
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seats
. The stage has become a huge amphitheater for concerts. On the northeast side there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
now
a café and a playground for the young ones and the glasshouse has
been replaced
by a water feature.
Lastly
the
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rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
who was
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located
between the two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seats
area
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near
the north
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entrance
in 1920 can
still
be find nowadays at the same emplacement.

Those two sketches
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show
how this public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot in a century time, few things remain unmoved, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
can
difficultly
be recognized
.
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IELTS academic Those two maps show the evolution of a public park between 1920 and today.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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