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The bar chart show the percentages of tourist who visited in four countries

The bar chart show the percentages of tourist who visited in four countries aQx99
The rendered bar graph depicts the information regarding the commuters who visited in four nations. The data has been calibrated in proportion. Overall, it can be seen that, maximum journey lovers were visited in china town and wax museum while least travellers prefered to Bankok zoo in given time period. At a fleeting glance, 50%tourist visited in Bangkok zoo whereas sea world was the most favourite place for exploring. Although, the proportion of tourist reached less than halve in 2014. In addition, the data had been showed upward trend in four countries in following year. It is evident that, merely, 20%visitors visited in Bangkok zoo while there was 30% difference among commuters who visited on Wax museum and Sea world. By contrast, the figure had increased rapidly in 2016 which was counted for 100% in china town and travellers were witnessed least interest in Bangkok Zoo, sea world and china town respectively while more visitors preferred to Sea world in 2007.
The rendered bar graph depicts the information regarding the commuters who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
in four nations. The data has
been calibrated
in proportion.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that, maximum journey lovers were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
town and wax museum while least
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "preferred", the past tense form of the verb 'prefer'?
prefered
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bankok
zoo in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time period.

At a fleeting glance, 50%tourist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
in Bangkok zoo whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
was the most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
place for exploring.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, the proportion of tourist reached less than halve in 2014.
In addition
, the data had been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
upward trend in four countries in following year.

It is evident that,
merely
, 20%visitors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
in Bangkok zoo while there was 30% difference among commuters who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visited
on Wax museum and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. By contrast, the figure had increased
rapidly
in 2016 which
was counted
for 100% in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
town and
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
were witnessed
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
interest in Bangkok Zoo,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
and china town
respectively
while more visitors preferred to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
in 2007.

IELTS academic The bar chart show the percentages of tourist who visited in four countries

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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