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this pie chart shows the different age group hobbies

this pie chart shows the different age group hobbies DVNLA
The pie charts despite the percentage of time younger and older people such as 18-26 age group and 60-70 age group spend on various internet activities such as social networking, playing games, researching e. g. health data, making purchases, making booking e. g. cinema/travel, and making purchases. Most of younger people spent their time on social networking with 24%, Around 21% in accessing music/films, Around 18% young people spent their time for playing games, Around 20 % young people spent their time for researching on health data, Around 12% young people spent their time for making purchases, Around 5% young people spent their time for making booking of cinema/travel. Most of the older people spent their time on making booking of cinema/travel with 25%, About 22% of old people spent their time for researching on health data, Around 21% people spent their time on social networking, Around 15% of older people spent their time on accessing music/video, Around 12%of people spent their time for making purchases, Around 5% older people spent their time for playing games. Overall, Both age groups have their specific activities to perform their tasks at a specific time.
The pie charts despite the percentage of
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time
younger and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as 18-26 age group and 60-70 age group spend on various internet activities such as social networking, playing games, researching
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
health data, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
, making booking
There should be no space here: "e.g.".
e. g.
cinema/travel, and making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
.

Most of younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
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time
on social networking with 24%,
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Around
21% in accessing music/films,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
18%
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing games,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
20 %
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for researching on health data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
12%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for making booking of cinema/travel.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on making booking of cinema/travel with 25%, About 22% of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for researching on health data,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
21%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on social networking,
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Around
15% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on accessing music/video,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
12%of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Around
5%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing games.

Overall
, Both age groups have their specific activities to perform their tasks at a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.

IELTS academic this pie chart shows the different age group hobbies

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
192 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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