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This graphs shows the kinds/ types of activities done by the elderly people in their free time from 1980s to the present in the United states.

This graphs shows the kinds/ types of activities done by the elderly people in their free time from 1980s to the present in the United states. XGrDg
The graph describes about the types of leisure activities done by elderly in United States. According to the graph there are five types of activities done by older people in United States. The percentage of elderly enjoying hiking had grown significantly and dramatically risen till 2010. However the older people surfing the internet had started with lower percentage but after 2000, the percentage had reached about 15% and the popularity surfing internet had increased till 2010 to 50 percent. Even though, the 50 out of 100 older people loved going to theatre in 1980s, the percentage had declined in 1990s up to 30%. Although popularity preferring reading went up slowly, in 2000 it has dropped to 20%. Nevertheless, within 10 years the it upsurged dramatically to 60%. Within 30 years, the numbers of elder people watching tv has not collapsed below 60 percentage. By contrast, hiking become the most popular activities for elderly followed by watching TV, reading, surfing internet and going to theatre.
The graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
about the types of leisure activities done by elderly
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
. According to the graph there are five types of activities done by older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United States".
in United States
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elderly enjoying hiking had grown
significantly
and
dramatically
risen till 2010.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
the older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surfing the internet had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
with lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
had reached about 15% and the popularity surfing internet had increased till 2010 to 50 percent.
Even though
, the 50 out of 100 older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980s".
in 1980s
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
had declined
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1990s".
in 1990s
up to 30%. Although popularity preferring reading went up
slowly
, in 2000 it has dropped to 20%.
Nevertheless
, within 10 years
Possible typo. Did you mean "the" or "it"?
the it
upsurged
dramatically
to 60%.

Within 30 years, the numbers of elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
watching
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
has not collapsed below 60 percentage.

By contrast, hiking become the most popular activities for elderly followed by watching TV, reading, surfing internet and going to
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
.
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IELTS academic This graphs shows the kinds/ types of activities done by the elderly people in their free time from 1980s to the present in the United states.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
164 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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