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This diagram shows the process of manufacturing matches and the equipment and tools used at the process.

This diagram shows the process of manufacturing matches and the equipment and tools used at the process. gYyn1
This diagram shows the process of manufacturing matches and the equipment and tools used at the process. As we all know, matches are made out of wood, so at first, tree logs are cut and [transported to the factory. Then, the logs are passed through a peeler, which has a sharp blade that peels the log and turn it into veneer. After that, those veneers are passed through a chopper, which chops the veneers in the shape of thin matches. After being chopped, they are sunk in an ammonium phosphate tank, and then they are passed through a dryer to remove what’s left from the ammonium phosphate. The matches now are fully dried; then, they are put into a hopper and are transported on a metal duct to reach the storage area. The matches are moved from the storage area to the inserter; which is a tall tube that makes the matches align, and then inserted to a perforated steel belt. That built moves the matches through 3 different tanks; paraffin wax tank, based chemicals tanks and tip chemical tanks. The final stage of the manufacturing process is the packaging; matches are transported to the packaging area to be packaged in their boxes. Finally, we have reached the end of the manufacturing process of matches. Indeed it was a very long process of manufacturing things as simple as matches.
This diagram
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shows
the
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process
of
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manufacturing
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matches
and the equipment and tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
at the process.

As we all know,
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matches
are made
out of wood,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
at
first
, tree logs are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
and
Unpaired symbol: ']' seems to be missing
[
transported to the factory. Then, the logs
are passed
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through
a peeler, which has a sharp blade that peels the log and turn it into veneer. After that, those veneers
are passed
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through
a chopper, which chops the veneers in the shape of thin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
. After
being chopped
, they
are sunk
in an ammonium phosphate
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tank
, and then they
are passed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a dryer to remove what’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
from the ammonium phosphate. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
fully
dried; then, they
are put
into a hopper and
are transported
on a metal duct to reach the storage area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from the storage area to the inserter; which is a tall tube that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
align, and then inserted to a perforated steel belt. That built
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moves
the
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matches
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through
3
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different
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tanks
; paraffin wax
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tank
, based chemicals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tanks
and tip chemical
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tanks
. The final stage of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
is the packaging;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
are transported
to the packaging area to
be packaged
in their boxes.

Finally
, we have reached the
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end
of the
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manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
it was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long
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process
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacturing
things as simple as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
.
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IELTS academic This diagram shows the process of manufacturing matches and the equipment and tools used at the process.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
229 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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