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Time 16- to 24-year olds spend per week on sport and exercise by gender (England)

Time 16- to 24-year olds spend per week on sport and exercise by gender (England) bbAMB
The chart illistrates the time that youth allocate for physical activities per week. It compares male and females in age group 16 to 24 years old. The chart shows that while 20% of boys are not spending any time to excersize, girls are twice as likely to not have physical activity. Males and females are tend to allocate comparable amount of times, when it comes to moderate amount of excersize. The gender gap is again evident between people that excersize five or more hours per week. With boys are tree times more likely to spend considerable amount of time for excersize. The chart clearly shows that gender does not play a role when it comes to the people that spend some time for physical activities. On the other hand, the girls are less active when other groups are compared.
The chart
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illistrates
the
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time
that youth allocate for physical activities per week. It compares male and females in age group 16 to 24 years
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old
.

The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that while 20% of boys are not spending any
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time
to
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excersize
, girls are twice as likely to not have physical activity.

Males and females are
Consider using a past participle here: "tended".
tend
to allocate comparable amount of
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times
, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to moderate amount of
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excersize
.

The gender gap is again evident between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
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excersize
five or more hours per week. With boys are
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tree
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times
more likely to spend considerable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
excersize
.

The chart
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that gender does not play a role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for physical activities.
On the other hand
, the girls are less active when other groups
are compared
.
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IELTS academic Time 16- to 24-year olds spend per week on sport and exercise by gender (England)

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
139 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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