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The two tables show number of smokers willing to quit smoking cigarettes with three group of timelines and elaborating reasons why they intend to give up smoking.

The two tables show number of smokers willing to quit smoking cigarettes with three group of timelines and elaborating reasons why they intend to give up smoking. lq6Vb
The two tables show number of smokers willing to quit smoking cigarettes with three group of timelines and elaborating reasons why they intend to give up smoking. Most smokers are willing to give up smoking cigarettes. The main motivation for most of the smokers intend to give up smoking is for better health. While 71% of smokers intend to stop due to general health, only 12% of smokers will stop because of their current health problems. The second main reason drives smoker to quit smoking is financial consideration, this reason represents one third of total smoker who wish to stop smoking. The other less popular reason among smokers to stop smoking is family pressure which only make 16%. Although most of smokers intend to quit smoking, most of them are not ready to quit immediately. Only 12% of smokers willing to give up smoking within next month, while more than one third ready to give up within the next 6 months.
The two tables
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
number of smokers willing to
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quit
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smoking
cigarettes with three group of timelines and elaborating
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reasons
why they
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intend
to
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give
up smoking.

Most smokers are willing to
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give
up
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smoking
cigarettes. The main motivation for most of the smokers
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intend
to
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give
up
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smoking
is for better health.

While 71% of smokers
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intend
to
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stop
due to general health,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
12% of smokers will
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stop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
health problems. The second main
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reason
drives smoker to
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quit
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smoking
is financial consideration, this
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reason
represents one third of total smoker who wish to
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stop
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smoking
. The other less popular
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reason
among smokers to
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stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is family pressure which
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
16%.

Although
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the smokers") or simply say "most smokers".
most of smokers
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intend
to
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quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, most of them are not ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quit
immediately.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
12% of smokers willing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
within
next
month, while more than one third ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
up within the
next
6 months.
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IELTS academic The two tables show number of smokers willing to quit smoking cigarettes with three group of timelines and elaborating reasons why they intend to give up smoking.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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