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The given pie charts show how many percentages of decisions made by Australian secondary students after graduating in 1980, 1990 and 2000

The given pie charts show how many percentages of decisions made by Australian secondary students after graduating in 1980, 1990 and 2000 ArqOL
The given pie charts show how many percentages of decisions made by Australian secondary students after graduating in 1980, 1990 and 2000. It is obvious that the proportion of Australian citizens who chose to pursue higher education witnessed a downward trend over the period while the opposite was true for students who had a job. Also, higher education and employment were much higher than those who failed to get a job. In 1980, half of the students in Australia wanted to be further educated, which was five times higher than the ratio of people who were employed. 4 out of 10 students succeeded in looking for a job after secondary school graduation. In the next 10 years, the percentage of further education decreased by 12% while both figures for unemployed and higher education increased by 2% and 10% respectively. In the last 10 years of the period, the ratios of employed graduated secondary school students reached its peak at 55% and unemployment ones hit its lowest point at 8%, while further educated students just decreased by 1%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
percentages of decisions made by Australian secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
after graduating in 1980, 1990 and 2000. It is obvious that the proportion of Australian citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
chose to pursue higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
witnessed a downward trend over the period while the opposite was true for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had a job.
Also
, higher
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education
and employment were much higher than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. In 1980, half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in Australia wanted to be
further
educated, which was five times higher than the ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
were employed
. 4 out of 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
succeeded in looking for a job after secondary school graduation. In the
next
10 years, the percentage of
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
decreased by 12% while both figures for unemployed and higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
increased by 2% and 10%
respectively
. In the last 10 years of the period, the ratios of employed
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
secondary school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
reached its peak at 55% and unemployment
Did you mean "one's"?
ones
hit its lowest point at 8%, while
further
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
decreased by 1%.

IELTS academic The given pie charts show how many percentages of decisions made by Australian secondary students after graduating in 1980, 1990 and 2000

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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