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The two pie charts give information about the energy used by average Australian household and greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy.

The two pie charts give information about the energy used by average Australian household and greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy. XGnPO
The two pie charts give information about the energy used by average Australian household and greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy. Overall, heating comprises the highest household energy, whereas cooling accounted for the lowest point used in a household. Water heating constitutes the highest in emissions of gases. Heating accounted for just over two-fifths of the energy being used in homes, whereas water heating comprises 30% of the electricity. Other applications, lighting, and cooling accounted for 21%, collectively. Finally, refrigeration is made up of 7% energy. In contrast, to the electricity produced, water heating produce highest percentage emission of gases just below one third. Followed by other applications whose emission of gases almost the of power produce accounting for 28%. The refrigeration emission of gases is double that of the energy generated. Heating did not make many emissions as compared to the production of power. Cooling and lighting accounting for 11%, collectively.
The two pie charts give information about the
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energy
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used


by average Australian household and greenhouse gas emissions

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which
results from this energy.

Overall
,
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heating
comprises the highest household
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energy
, whereas

cooling accounted for the lowest point
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used
in a household.

Water
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heating
constitutes the highest in
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emissions
of gases.

Heating accounted for
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just
over two-fifths of the
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energy
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used


in homes, whereas water
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heating
comprises 30% of the electricity.

Other applications, lighting, and cooling accounted for 21%,
collectively
.

Finally
, refrigeration
is made
up of 7% energy.

In contrast
, to the electricity produced, water
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heating
produce

A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
percentage
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emission
of gases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
below one third.

Followed by other applications whose
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emission
of gases almost the of power produce accounting for 28%. The refrigeration
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emission
of gases is double that of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
energy
generated.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Heating
did not
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make


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
emissions
as compared to the production of power.

Cooling and lighting accounting for 11%,
collectively
.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts give information about the energy used by average Australian household and greenhouse gas emissions which results from this energy.

Academic
  American English
11 paragraphs
154 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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