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The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013.

The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013. NrP3N
The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013. For three of the sectors, it is evident that over this time frame there was significant change in their proportion of online transactions. At 36% we can see that the travel sectors accounted for the majority of online sales in 2003, but this percentage had dropped to 29% by 2013. Across the same ten-year period, as an increasing number of people chose to purchase films and music online, we can see that transactions went from just 21% to 33%, making it the retail sector with the highest overall share of the online market. In 2003, the clothing industry boasted an impressive 24% of total online sales in New Zealand. However, by 2013, the figure had fallen considerably to 16%. Interestingly, online sales of books still represented only 22% of the market.
The two pie charts compare the percentages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
retail
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sectors
in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013. For three of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
, it is evident that over this time frame there was significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
transactions. At 36% we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the travel
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sectors
accounted for the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in 2003,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this percentage had dropped to 29% by 2013. Across the same ten-year period, as an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
chose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
films and music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that transactions went from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
21% to 33%, making it the retail
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sector
with the highest
overall
share of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
market. In 2003, the clothing industry boasted an impressive 24% of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
in New Zealand.
However
, by 2013, the figure had fallen
considerably
to 16%.
Interestingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of books
still
represented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
22% of the market.

IELTS academic The two pie charts compare the percentages of online sales across different retail sectors in New Zealand in the years 2003 and 2013.

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
154 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 7.0
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