Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents

The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents gGJlA
The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents in two different years in seven categories from 1966 to 1996. The data is calibrated in percentage. Overall, expenses on cars, restaurant and computers revealed positive trend, however, expenses on remaining items showed decrease in given period. It is clear that the largest ratio of American citizens spending went on foods and cars. On the other hand, computer and books had the lowest percentage in the chart in 1966 and 1996 respectively. However, the percentage for car rose to nearly double at 45% in 1996. Whereas, the proportion of spending on food fell from 44% in 1966 to only 14% in 1996. The drastic change was seen for computers it stood at only one percent in 1966 but reached at 10% in 1996. There was a two fold increase on restaurant spending by American citizens, from 7% in 1966 to 14% in 1996. Whereas, a significant decrease was seen for books purchasing. Surprisingly, over a period there was no marked change in the ratio of petrol and furniture.
The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents in two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
years in seven categories from 1966 to 1996. The data
is calibrated
in percentage.

Overall
, expenses on cars, restaurant and computers revealed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend,
however
, expenses on remaining items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
decrease in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the largest ratio of American citizens spending went on foods and cars.
On the other hand
, computer and books had the lowest percentage in the chart in 1966 and 1996
respectively
.
However
, the percentage for car rose to
nearly
double at 45% in 1996.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the proportion of spending on food fell from 44% in 1966 to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
14% in 1996.

The drastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for computers it stood at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one percent in 1966
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
reached at 10% in 1996. There was a
The adjective or adverb 'twofold' needs to be written as one word.
two fold
increase on restaurant spending by American citizens, from 7% in 1966 to 14% in 1996. Whereas, a significant decrease was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
for books purchasing.
Surprisingly
, over a period there was no marked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the ratio of petrol and furniture.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS academic The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts
  • 5.5band
    Australian doing exercises
    This bargaph illustrates the proportion of Australian males and females that were doing physical exercises in 2010. As it is pretty clear from the graph that generally that ages of females in different ages were high percentages than men in 2010. For example, ages from 25 to 34, the proportion of ...
  • 6.5band
    process of making sugar from sugar cane
    The diagram below depicts the process by which, sugar is produce from sugar cane. The process comprises 7 strides, commenting from growing and ending in drying and cooling. First, sugar canes are grown for 12-18 months. Secondly, the crops are harvested either manually or automatically via dedicate...
  • 6.5band
    The graph illustrates the proportion of women and men graduating
    The graph illustrates the proportion of women and men graduating from universities in Canada for 15 year time period from 1992 to 2007. Overall, the total number of graduates almost revealed a positive trend in the given time period. Moreover, it can be clearly seen that the number of female studen...
  • 7band
    Process- Sugar production from the sugar cane.
    The diagram below depicts the process by which, sugar is produce from sugar cane. The process is linear and comprises 7 strides, commenting from growing and ending in drying and cooling. First, sugar canes are grown for 12-18 months. Secondly, the crops are harvested either manually or automaticall...
  • 6band
    The number of books read by boys and girls from 2009 to 2012
    The line graph indicates the number of library book at Starmouth school read by booys and girls from 2009 to 2012. In general, the lines show an upward trend for both gender from 2009 to 2011. In 2011, both lines equally hit the exact number of 100. However, after that, there was a gradual fall on ...
  • 7band
    The graph below shows the population of three cities in 1990, the population forecast of 2000 and the actual population of 2000.
    The table below provides information about the mob of Sao Paulo, Jakarta, and Shanghai in 1990 and 2000 and the predicted population in 2000. The graph depicts, the most crowded city in 1990 was Sao Paulo nearly 15 million in contrast the less population was for Jakarta merely 9. 5million in that y...





Get more results for topic:
  • The two pie charts compare the expenses of US residents