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Australian doing exercises

Australian doing exercises 2lj3w
This bargaph illustrates the proportion of Australian males and females that were doing physical exercises in 2010. As it is pretty clear from the graph that generally that ages of females in different ages were high percentages than men in 2010. For example, ages from 25 to 34, the proportion of women that were doing physical exercises is approximately 49%, however, males were 42. 2 % which is lower than females as it is clear from the statistaics given in the bargraph. As shown from the graph that ages from 45 to 54, females reached the top of the proportion of doing activity which is 53. 3 %, on the other hand, males reached the lowest percentage when the ages were between 35 to 44 at 39. 5 for men. There was a tiny similarity for both genders in doing the physical exercises at ages 65 and over that, which was nearly 47 %. To sum up, we could say that it is clear that from the bargraph that the proportions of women who doing the activity are more the men in 2010.
This
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bargaph
illustrates the
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proportion
of Australian males and
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females
that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
physical exercises in 2010.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is pretty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the graph that
generally
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
were high percentages than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in 2010.

For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
from 25 to 34, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of women that were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
physical exercises is approximately 49%,
however
, males were 42. 2 % which is lower than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
statistaics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bargraph
.

As shown from the graph that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
from 45 to 54,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
reached the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
proportion
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
activity which is 53. 3 %,
on the other hand
, males reached the lowest percentage when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
were
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 35 and 44".
between 35 to 44
at 39. 5 for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

There was a tiny similarity for both genders in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the physical exercises at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
65 and over that, which was
nearly
47 %.

To sum up, we could say that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that from the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bargraph
that the proportions of women who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the activity are more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in 2010.
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IELTS academic Australian doing exercises

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
183 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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