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The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. llnK
The two pie charts provided reveal the percentage of sales made online by the four main retail sectors in Canada in both 2005 and 2010. During this time period the food and beverage industry experienced the highest level of online growth and video games market share also modestly increased. However, sales of home furnishings online suffered greatly and produced the largest drop in market share with sales of electronic appliances also experiencing a loss in their online market share. Online sales in the food and beverage industry dramatically increased by 10% during the 5 year time period to 32% overtaking the previous market leader, sales of electronics and appliances. Sales of video games also grew but by only half as much at just 5%. However, their market share still did not reach 25% of the overall market falling 2% short of this mark. Furthermore, sales of home furnishings plummeted by 10% to receive the lowest market share in 2010 and previous market leader sales of electronics and appliances experienced a substantial decrease in market share of 10% leaving it with the second largest market share overall.
The two pie charts provided reveal the percentage of
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sales
made
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online
by the four main retail sectors in Canada in both 2005 and 2010.

During this time period the food and beverage industry experienced the highest level of
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online
growth and video games
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market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
also
modestly
increased.
However
,
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sales
of home furnishings
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online
suffered
greatly
and produced the largest drop in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of electronic appliances
also
experiencing a loss in their
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
share.

Online
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sales
in the food and beverage industry
dramatically
increased by 10% during the
When a number forms part of an adjectival compound, use a hyphen: "5-year"
5 year
time period to 32% overtaking the previous
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market
leader,
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sales
of electronics and appliances.
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Sales
of video games
also
grew
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half as much at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
5%.
However
, their
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market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
still
did not reach 25% of the
overall
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market
falling 2% short of this mark.

Furthermore
,
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sales
of home furnishings plummeted by 10% to receive the lowest
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market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
in 2010 and previous
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market
leader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of electronics and appliances experienced a substantial decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
of 10% leaving it with the second largest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
overall
.
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IELTS academic The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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