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The two pie chart show the proportion of staff employed by publicSector in brajil given period of 2015 and 2020

The two pie chart show the proportion of staff employed by publicSector in brajil given period of 2015 and 2020 KlynM
The presented pie charts illustrate the percentage of workers employed by age in the public sector in the beligium in the given period of 2015 and 2020. The data is calibrated in the percentage. Overall it is explicit from pie chart that the proportion of staff employed by over fifty age minimum and under twenty one age group was maximum whereas due to the trend the ratio of staff employed by age in the public sector over fifty age group and twenty to thirty age groups was increased. Moreover other age group were declined in the given of the period. It can be inferred from that the percentage of staff employed in 2015 over the 50 age group was 23%under 21 age group was 14%. the proportion of workers employed in the age of 41 to 50 was 19% in addition staff employed by age in the public sector under 31 to 40 was 3 percent less than it was 2005. Furthermore 2020 the ratio of staff employed in the public sector of age over the 50 was declined and reach 16%and under 21 age group was 12%. in 2020 age group of 41 -50was increased as compared to the workers in 2015 and went up to 28%whereas 21-30 age group was drastically increased at 33%on the other hand 31-40 age group declined by 3 percent at reach 11%.
The presented pie charts illustrate the percentage of workers
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employed
by
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age
in the
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
beligium
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period of 2015 and 2020. The data
is calibrated
in the percentage.
Overall
it is explicit from pie chart that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
fifty
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age
minimum and under
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
twenty one
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age
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group
was maximum whereas due to the trend the ratio of
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staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in the
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
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over
fifty
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age
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group
and twenty to thirty
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age
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groups
was increased
.
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Moreover
other
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
were declined
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
of the period. It can
be inferred
from that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in 2015
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over
the 50
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 23%under 21
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 14%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
proportion of workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 41 to 50 was 19%
in addition
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staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
in the
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public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
under 31 to 40 was 3 percent less than it was 2005.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
2020 the ratio of
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staff
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the 50
was declined
and reach 16%and under 21
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was 12%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
2020
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 41 -50was increased as compared to the workers in 2015 and went up to 28%whereas 21-30
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was
drastically
increased at 33%
on the other hand
31-40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
declined by 3 percent at reach 11%.
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IELTS academic The two pie chart show the proportion of staff employed by publicSector in brajil given period of 2015 and 2020

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
229 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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