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the two maps below show the development along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities between 1980 and 2010

the two maps below show the development along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities between 1980 and 2010 7JBJ6
The two maps illustrate changes taken place along Olive Drive by comparing the establishments in 1980 and 2010. In general, the town had undergone remarkable transformations on both sides of the road. There were extra residential and sociable facilities in order to meet the living needs of citizens. To the north of Olive Drive, more housing units along the road was extended in close proximity to the old ones which were connected to the vehicle path in 2010. Furthermore, there was a passage which was erected among the suburban leading to a school so as to advance the academy level of denizen’s juveniles. Conversely, the park lined the residential area stayed unchanged. On the other side of the main road, it is particularly significant that the shops was converted into shopping centre and supermarket in order to improve the commercial and living condition. While the bank was relocated to the south of community centre, a cafe was built in the place of it. Nevertheless, the hospital remained unchanged
The two maps illustrate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
taken place along Olive Drive by comparing the establishments in 1980 and 2010.

In general
, the town had undergone remarkable transformations on both sides of the road. There were extra residential and sociable facilities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the living needs of citizens.

To the north of Olive Drive, more housing units along the road
was extended
in
Consider using "proximity".
close proximity
to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones which
were connected
to the vehicle path in 2010.
Furthermore
, there was a passage which
was erected
among the suburban leading to a school
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
advance the academy level of denizen’s juveniles.
Conversely
, the park lined the residential area stayed unchanged.

On the other side of the main road, it is
particularly
significant that the shops
was converted
into shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and supermarket in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the commercial and living condition. While the bank
was relocated
to the south of community
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
was built
in the place of it.
Nevertheless
, the hospital remained unchanged
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IELTS academic the two maps below show the development along Olive Drive before and after the construction of new facilities between 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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