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home activities among young children

home activities among young children 95PQ7
The bar graph shows the data on young children’s indoor activities in Malaysia, China, Nigeria, Sudan. Overall, playing computer games is the most favorite leisure activity among young children in these countries. Reading books is less common in all of the countries, especially in Nigeria and Sudan. Watching TV is the second most popular pastime and equally preferred by kids in four countries. As the diagram suggests, computer games are quite popular among children in these countries as half of the children in Malaysia and Sudan play computer games. The ratio of children involved in this activity in Nigeria is even higher while four in ten offspring in China play computer games. Watching TV programs is another preferred home activity among youngsters as 30% of children in these countries follow TV when they are home. Board games are picked up by almost a quarter of the boys and girls in Malaysia and China while it is most popular in Sudan with 30% active participants in this activity. Finally, reading is not as common as other indoor activities are and the highest ratio of child readers resides in Malaysia, 20%. Only 10% of Nigerian and Sudanese children read books when home and this ratio is 15% in China.
The bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the data on young
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children’s
indoor
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activities
in Malaysia, China, Nigeria, Sudan.

Overall
, playing computer
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games
is the most favorite leisure
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activity
among young
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children
in these
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countries
. Reading books is less common in
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all of the
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countries
,
especially
in Nigeria and Sudan. Watching TV is the second most popular pastime and
equally
preferred by kids in four countries.

As the diagram suggests, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are quite popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
as half of the
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children
in Malaysia and Sudan play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The ratio of
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children
involved in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
in Nigeria is even higher while four in ten offspring in China play computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. Watching TV programs is another preferred home
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activity
among youngsters as 30% of
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children
in these
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countries
follow TV when they are home. Board
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games
are picked
up by almost a quarter of the boys and girls in Malaysia and China while it is most popular in Sudan with 30% active participants in this
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activity
.
Finally
, reading is not as common as other indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are and the highest ratio of child readers resides in Malaysia, 20%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
10% of Nigerian and Sudanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
read books when home and this ratio is 15% in China.
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IELTS academic home activities among young children

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
207 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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