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The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.

The two hospital plans show the differences of road to access the city hospital between 2007 and 2010. Overall, the Hospital Road has witnessed a huge change thanks to new facilities such as bus station and new two roundabout. In 2007, City Hospital had the Ring Road around the itself. This road was connected to the City Road with Hospital Road. 6 bus stops were located along the this road. There was also a car park for staff and also public in the east side of the this road. As for 2010 year, 3 important change have been made. First of all, the all bus stops have been demolished, and a huge bus station has been constructed in the west side of the Hospital Road. Secondly, to connect this station to roads, 2 roundabout have been built in the cutting point in the City Road and Rind Road with Hospital Road. The last change is about the car park. It has been made private for staff. For public using, a new one has been built in the east side of the hospital.
The two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
plans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the differences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
to access the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
between 2007 and 2010.
Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
has witnessed a huge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
thanks to new facilities such as bus station and new two
Possible agreement error. The noun ‘roundabout’ seems to be countable, so consider using: “roundabouts”.
roundabout
.

In 2007, City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
had the Ring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
around
Possible typo. Did you mean “the” or “itself”?
the itself
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
was connected
to the City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
. 6 bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
were located
along
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only “the” or “this” is left.
the this
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road
. There was
also
a car park for staff and
also
public in the east side of
Maybe you need to remove the second determiner so that only “the” or “this” is left.
the this
road.

As for 2010 year, 3
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
have
been made
.
Often, this adverbial phrase is redundant. Consider using “first”.
First of all
, the all bus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stops
have
been demolished
, and a huge bus station has
been constructed
in the west side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
.
Secondly
, to connect this station to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
, 2 roundabout have
been built
in the cutting point in the City
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
and Rind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hospital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
. The last
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is about the car park. It has
been made
private for staff. For public using, a new one has
been built
in the east side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hospital
.
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IELTS academic The two maps below show road access to a city hospital in 2007 and in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
182 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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