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The two diagrams illustrate some changes in Sholeaton between two different years, 1965 and 2015.

The two diagrams illustrate some changes in Sholeaton between two different years, 1965 and 2015. 2rmOx
The two diagrams illustrate some changes in Sholeaton between two different years, 1965 and 2015. As can be seen in the maps, it is evident that the town witnessed many transformations over a period of 50 years. The most striking alteration concentrated in the middle part of the town with the extension of the shopping centre. Besides that, other facilities in the rest of this part also developed significantly. In 1965, there was a small park next to a big swimming pool in the north of Sholeaton. However, the park was expanded, which led to the demolition of this swimming pool in 2015. Furthermore, there was the construction of the library, which used to be located on the south side of this town. Towards the Southwest, this region experienced the appearance of the fountain as a replacement for the former cafe which was surrounded by several shops in 1965 and a restaurant with a range of trees were also planted in place of one of the old shops to provide fresh air for the Sholeaton’s citizens. By 2015 the central area changed considerably, mostly regarding the bigger in size of the shopping centre result in the movement of the bus station to the Southwest of the town. In the eastern part of Sholeaton, the number of houses was dramatically increased, was tripled particularly. In fact, people had more opportunities to walking and cycling in this town thanks to the erection of pedestrian crossing and a cycle lane on the road adjacent to these houses. In addition to this, a newly built bicycle park was added near the old car park which still remained intact in the southern town. Finally, the former library to the southeast was torn down to make way for a new business centre.
The two diagrams illustrate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
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Sholeaton
between two
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different
years, 1965 and 2015.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the maps, it is evident that the
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town
witnessed
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many
transformations over a period of 50 years. The most striking alteration concentrated in the middle part of the
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town
with the extension of the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Besides
that, other facilities in the rest of this part
also
developed
significantly
.

In 1965, there was a
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small
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park
next
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
swimming pool in the north of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sholeaton
.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was expanded
, which led to the demolition of this swimming pool in 2015.
Furthermore
, there was the construction of the library, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be located
on the south side of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. Towards the Southwest, this region experienced the appearance of the fountain as a replacement for the former
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
which
was surrounded
by several shops in 1965 and a restaurant with a range of trees were
also
planted in place of one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
shops to provide fresh air for the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sholeaton
’s citizens.

By 2015 the central area
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
considerably
,
mostly
regarding the
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
bigger in size
of the shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
result in the movement of the bus station to the Southwest of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
. In the eastern part of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sholeaton
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
was
dramatically
increased,
was tripled
particularly
. In fact,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had more opportunities to walking and cycling in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
thanks to the erection of pedestrian crossing and a cycle lane on the road adjacent to these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition to this, a
newly
built bicycle
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park
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
near the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
which
still
remained intact in the southern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
town
.
Finally
, the former library to the southeast
was torn
down to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
way for a new business
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
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IELTS academic The two diagrams illustrate some changes in Sholeaton between two different years, 1965 and 2015.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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