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The two bar graphs give information about death rates ( millions ) and Medical Research ending (millions ) in Someland to 1990.

The two bar graphs give information about death rates ( millions ) and Medical Research ending (millions ) in Someland to 1990. 7Pe1n
The two bar graphs give information about death rates ( millions ) and Medical Research ending (millions ) in Someland to 1990. Overall, Oy can be seen population of deaths rates and Medical Research of economic income by six differents diseases examined. ( AIDS, Leprosy, Tropical Diseases, Diarrhoea, Malaria, TB. ) According to first bar chart was the most of rates deaths TB in the Someland while, Second bar chart shows medical research of economic gained with AIDS. In the year 1990, the most number of death people TB about 1. 800. 000. Followed by, Diarrhoea with 0. 5 millions, Malaria about 450. 000, Tropical Diseases around 300. 000, AIDS approximately 200. 000 and Leprosy roughly 100. 000, respectively. In comparison, accompanied bar graph was the highest deaths TB althought, was the most of gained medical research of funding AIDS with around 180 millions. Secondly, Leprosy and Tropical Diseases about 80 millions. After that Diarrhoea aproximately 60 millions, Malaria with 50 millions, respectively. Lastlt, TB roughly 25 millions. In conclusion, AIDS disease number of deaths people mire than fewer TB, economically either hospital and pharmacy or another healt opportunities very expensive.
The two bar graphs give information about death rates
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(
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millions
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)
and Medical
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Research
ending
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(millions
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)
in
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Someland
to 1990.

Overall
,
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Oy
can be
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seen
population of deaths rates and Medical
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Research
of economic income by six
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differents
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diseases
examined.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
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AIDS
, Leprosy, Tropical
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Diseases
,
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Diarrhoea
, Malaria, TB.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
According to
first
bar chart was the most of rates deaths TB in the
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Someland
while, Second bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows


medical
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research
of economic gained with AIDS.

In the year 1990, the most number of death
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
TB about 1. 800. 000. Followed by,
Possible spelling mistake. 'Diarrhoea' is British English.
Diarrhoea
with

0. 5
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millions
, Malaria about 450. 000, Tropical
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Diseases
around 300. 000,
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AIDS
approximately 200.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
and Leprosy roughly 100.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
000
,
respectively
.

In comparison
, accompanied bar graph was the highest deaths TB
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althought
, was the most of gained medical
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research
of funding
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AIDS
with around 180
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millions
.
Secondly
, Leprosy and Tropical
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Diseases
about 80
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millions
. After that
Possible spelling mistake. 'Diarrhoea' is British English.
Diarrhoea
Possible spelling mistake found.
aproximately
60
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millions
, Malaria with 50
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millions
,
respectively
.
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Lastlt
, TB roughly 25 millions.

In conclusion
,
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AIDS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
number of deaths
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mire than fewer TB,
economically
either hospital and pharmacy or another
Possible spelling mistake found.
healt
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
expensive.
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IELTS academic The two bar graphs give information about death rates ( millions ) and Medical Research ending (millions ) in Someland to 1990.

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
191 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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Task Achievement: 5.0
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