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the three pie charts show coffee production, consumption and profits earned

the three pie charts show coffee production, consumption and profits earned 2lgGj
The pie charts correlate global coffee consumptions, coffee production in four countries as well as, profit distributions among different business segments related to coffee. Overall Europeans and Americans are heavy consumers of coffee. In contrast, South Africa is the highest coffee producer among the four countries. Notably, the companies that deliver coffee earn the highest profit. To begin with, the citizens of Europe and America consume four times as much as the other countries. Japan, whose production accounts for 18%, only consumes a mere 8% of global coffee. And the rest of the world consumes merely 12% of the coffee. It is worth noticing that South Africa produces 44% of global coffee than anywhere else, which is exactly double the coffee production in Indonesia- the country that makes the second-largest coffee. Along with these countries, Japan and Vietnam also produce coffee and the amount is 18% and 16% respectively. Half of the total profit is distributed among delivery resources- 51%. A quarter of the profit is earned by retailers, leaving producers with 15% of yield. The least amount of profit eventually goes to exporters-10%.
The pie charts correlate global
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coffee
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consumptions
,
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coffee
production in four
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countries
as well
as,
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profit
distributions among
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different
business segments related to
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coffee
.
Overall
Europeans and Americans are heavy consumers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
.
In contrast
, South Africa is the highest
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coffee
producer among the four
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countries
.
Notably
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
that deliver
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coffee
earn the highest profit.

To
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begin
with, the citizens of Europe and America consume four times as much as the other
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countries
. Japan, whose production accounts for 18%,
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only
consumes a mere 8% of global
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coffee
. And the rest of the world consumes
merely
12% of the coffee.

It is worth noticing that South Africa produces 44% of global
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coffee
than anywhere else, which is exactly double the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
production in Indonesia- the
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country
that
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makes
the second-largest
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coffee
. Along with these
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countries
, Japan and Vietnam
also
produce
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coffee
and the amount is 18% and 16%
respectively
.

Half of the total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
is distributed
among delivery resources- 51%. A quarter of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
is earned
by retailers, leaving producers with 15% of yield. The least amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
profit
eventually
goes to exporters-10%.
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IELTS academic the three pie charts show coffee production, consumption and profits earned

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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