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graph shows the purchase of appliances increases whereas the time for work completion decrease

graph shows the purchase of appliances increases whereas the time for work completion decrease pJDyd
These two graphs manifest the variation in the ownership of electronic items and the time spent for the completion of the household work of a country from the year 1920 to 2019. It is vivid from the graph that the proportion of houses with electrical appliances increases and this helps to plunge the time taken per week by houses to consummate their household chores. There is a bit fluctuation in houses with washing machines while the refrigerator and the vacuum cleaner are on a constant acceleration as the proportion of refrigerator inclines from approximately 2% to 100% in 2019 and the vacuum cleaner in 1920 was found in 3 out of every 10 houses whereas in the year 2019 it was installed in every home. Ultimately, the time decrease from the year 1920 to 2019 from 50hrs to 10hrs per week as the appliances helped in washing clothes, preparing the meal and cleaning the home. Henceforth, it can be reiterated from the graph that installing of home appliances leads to decrement in time taken to complete household work.
These two graphs manifest the variation in the ownership of electronic items and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent for the completion of the household work of a country from the year 1920 to 2019.

It is vivid from the graph that the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with electrical appliances increases and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to plunge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
taken per week by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
to consummate their household chores. There is a
It seems that there's a missing preposition after ''.
bit
fluctuation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
with washing machines while the refrigerator and the vacuum cleaner are on a constant acceleration as the proportion of refrigerator inclines from approximately 2% to 100% in 2019 and the vacuum cleaner in 1920
was found
in 3 out of every 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
whereas in the year 2019 it
was installed
in every home.

Ultimately
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
decrease from the year 1920 to 2019 from 50hrs to 10hrs per week as the appliances
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
in washing clothes, preparing the meal and cleaning the home.

Henceforth, it can
be reiterated
from the graph that installing of home appliances leads to decrement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
taken to complete household work.
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IELTS academic graph shows the purchase of appliances increases whereas the time for work completion decrease

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
178 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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