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the following diagram shows how pencils are manufactured

the following diagram shows how pencils are manufactured l71rJ
This diagram illustrates in which way pencils are produced. Overall, we can see that this process has two phases (pencil leads and pencil cases). It begins with forming pencil leads and it ends up with a completed one. First of all, we can see that the ground graphite, clay and H2O are mixed to form the graphite dough. After that this dough will be pressed in forming press bottle to give the graphite rod in order to have the leads which are needed to be dried in oven at 800c to be prepared for the next stage. In this stage we need pencil cases by grooves cutting in wooden slat. Then by gluing the wooden slat and leads we will have sandwich of slat which will be put in shaping machine to smooth the sandwiches. by this step the pencil will be finished and ready for using.
This diagram illustrates in which way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pencils
are produced
.

Overall
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that this process has two phases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(pencil
leads and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pencil
cases). It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begins
with forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pencil
leads and it ends up with a completed one.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the ground graphite, clay and H2O
are mixed
to form the graphite dough. After that this dough will
be pressed
in forming press bottle to give the graphite rod in order to have the leads which
are needed
to
be dried
in oven at 800c to
be prepared
for the
next
stage.

In this stage we need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pencil
cases by grooves cutting in wooden slat. Then by gluing the wooden slat and leads we will have sandwich of slat which will
be put
in shaping machine to smooth the sandwiches.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
by
this step the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pencil
will
be finished
and ready for using.
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IELTS academic the following diagram shows how pencils are manufactured

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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