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The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types between 2000 and 2009.

The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types between 2000 and 2009. yXD13
The table represents the fractions of presence of people for four kinds of secondary schools varies from 2000 to 2009. As meticulously mentioned in the table, at the beginning of the period specialist schools and community schools contributed the least proportion of attendance equivalently, while, voluntary controlled schools were marked significant presence of pupils. In comparison, community schools became largest percentage of attendance schools and specialist schools were lowest at the end of the period. Although, specialist schools were accounted 12% presence of children in 2005 and it g fell to 11% in 2005 and it had more decreased to 10% in the year of 2009. Whereas, likewise specialist schools community schools also consists if 12% in 2005. However, it had a notable growth in 2005 around 32% and it remarkably rose to highest proportion of 58% rather than other type of schools in 2009. On the contrary, the great percentage of 52% attendance marked by voluntary controlled schools in the year of 2000, yet it experienced rapid fall from 2005 and 2009 reported 38% and 20%. Besides, grammar schools also had contributed second mass fraction of attendance in 2005. Nevertheless, it accomplished gradual down fall in 2005 as well as 2009 around 19% to 12%. To Recapitulate, after analyzing the table accurately, Even though, community schools started journey with low percentage. However, if reached highest proportion with mass growth. On the contrary, the attendance percentage significantly dropped in voluntary schools and other rest three types of schools as well.
The table represents the fractions of presence of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for four kinds of secondary
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schools
varies from 2000 to 2009. As
meticulously
mentioned in the table, at the beginning of the period
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specialist
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schools
and
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community
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schools
contributed the least proportion of
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attendance
equivalently
, while, voluntary controlled
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schools
were marked
significant presence of pupils.
In comparison
,
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community
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schools
became
A determiner is probably missing here: "the largest".
largest
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percentage
of
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attendance
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schools
and
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specialist
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schools
were lowest at the
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end
of the period.

Although,
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specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
were accounted
12% presence of children in 2005 and it g fell to 11% in 2005 and it had more decreased to 10% in the year of 2009. Whereas,
likewise
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specialist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
also
consists if 12% in 2005.
However
, it had a notable growth in 2005 around 32% and it
remarkably
rose to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of 58%
rather
than other type of
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schools
in 2009.

On the contrary
, the great
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percentage
of 52%
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attendance
marked by voluntary controlled
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schools
in the year of 2000,
yet
it experienced rapid fall
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 2005 to 2009"?
from 2005 and 2009
reported 38% and 20%.
Besides
, grammar
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schools
also
had contributed second mass fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
in 2005.
Nevertheless
, it accomplished gradual down fall in 2005
as well
as 2009 around 19% to 12%.

To Recapitulate, after analyzing the table
accurately
,
Even though
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
journey with low
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percentage
.
However
, if reached
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion with mass growth.
On the contrary
, the
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attendance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
significantly
dropped in voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and other rest three types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as well
.
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IELTS academic The table shows the Proportions of Pupils Attending Four Secondary School Types between 2000 and 2009.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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