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The table represents about employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked

The table represents about employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked VrkjD
The given table depicts about the workplaces in which masses from three different age groups worked. Overall, it can be evidently seen that highest number of people from all age groups worked in the manufacturing sector while, minority of people preferred to work at accountancy. Apparently, it is interesting to note that firstly, majority of people used to work at manufacturing sector which was 12%, 15%and 23% among the three age groups. Next, in agriculture sector the employment is increasing by 2% as age was advancing. Then, initiating 6% in catering which than rose to 8% in 25 to 40 age group whereas in 40 to 65 age group a tiny fraction was recorded. Nextly, Young and middle-aged section liked to work in local government sector and the percentage Laid between the range of 8% and 12%. Likewise, it increased by 6% in case of people which were in their adulthood. Getting into further considerations, regarding to the data, figuratively speaking, law was least preferred as only a small number of proportion work at this sector. Moreover, retail has maximum employment of 23% of people of 18 to 25 age group as against in people who were more than 25 age, where it was 6% to 7%. Probing ahead, the people between 18 and 25 age group worked at education sector was recorded as just under one in ten while, in other two age groups the proportion was 12%. Finally, accountancy was in minority whilst, other occupation sectors were listed as 21%, 18% and 9% respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table depicts about the workplaces in which masses from three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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age
groups worked.

Overall
, it can be
evidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that highest number of
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people
from all
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
worked in the manufacturing
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sector
while, minority of
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people
preferred to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at accountancy.

Apparently
, it is interesting to note that
firstly
, majority of
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at manufacturing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
which was 12%, 15%and 23% among the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
.
Next
, in agriculture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
the employment is increasing by 2% as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
was advancing. Then, initiating 6% in catering which than rose to 8% in 25 to 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
whereas in 40 to 65
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
a tiny fraction
was recorded
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nextly
, Young and middle-aged section liked to
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work
in local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
and the percentage Laid between the range of 8% and 12%.
Likewise
, it increased by 6% in case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which were in their adulthood. Getting into
further
considerations,
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
the data,
figuratively
speaking, law was least preferred as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of proportion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
.
Moreover
, retail has maximum employment of 23% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of 18 to 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
as against in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were more than 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, where it was 6% to 7%. Probing ahead, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 18 and 25
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
worked at education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sector
was recorded
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under one in ten while, in other two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
the proportion was 12%.
Finally
, accountancy was in minority whilst, other occupation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
were listed
as 21%, 18% and 9%
respectively
.

IELTS academic The table represents about employment sectors in which people from 3 age groups worked

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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