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The table provide information about Mobile phones

The table provide information about Mobile phones 065M3
A glance at the table provided revels, the proportion of mobile phones manufacturers in Worldwide market in 2005 and 2006. Overall, it clearly seen in the table Nokia was highest percentage in both years as well as the second highest is that motoroala company which is high proportion in 2006. Also the lower percentage of benq mobile in both year. As can we seen in the chart, the proportion of nokia company was in 2005 32. 5 which was rapidly went up in 2006 around 3%. as well as in 2005 the percentage of motoroala company 17. 7 which was rise up in 2006 approximately 5%. in addition, the Samsung company was manufacture only 12. 7 percent in 2005 and it was decrease in 2006 around slightly 2 percent. However in 2005 the percentage of Sony Ericsson and LG approximately same around 6. 7 but in 2006 slightly grew up in Sony Ericsson around 1% and slightly decreased in LG 0. 3%. however the drastically decline in benq mobile in 2005 it was manufacture around 19. 2% and it was deline In 2006 around double percentage.
A glance at the table provided revels, the proportion of mobile phones manufacturers in Worldwide market in 2005 and 2006.

Overall
, it
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the table Nokia was
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in both years
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the second highest is that
Possible spelling mistake found.
motoroala
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which is high proportion in 2006.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
benq
mobile in both year.

As
The comma is probably missing here: "can, we".
can we
Possible grammatical error. You used a past participle without using any required verb ('be' or 'have'). Did you mean "saw"?
seen
in the chart, the proportion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
nokia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was in 2005 32. 5 which was
rapidly
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
up in 2006
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
3%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
as
well as in 2005 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
motoroala
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
17. 7 which was rise up in 2006 approximately 5%.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
addition, the Samsung
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
was manufacture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
12. 7 percent in 2005 and it was decrease in 2006
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
slightly
2 percent.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
in 2005 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of Sony Ericsson and LG approximately same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
6. 7
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2006
slightly
grew up in Sony Ericsson
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
1% and
slightly
decreased in LG 0. 3%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
however
the
drastically
decline in
Possible spelling mistake found.
benq
mobile in 2005 it was manufacture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
19. 2% and it was
Possible spelling mistake found.
deline
In 2006
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
double
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
.
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IELTS academic The table provide information about Mobile phones

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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