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The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.

The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007. qpdX
The table gives information about several laptop and notebook companies’ global market share between 2006 and 2007. Overall, Dell, HP, and Toshiba experienced a small growth, while the market shares of Fujitsu-Siemens, Acer, Lenovo, and other manufactures decreased slightly. On one hand, the market shares of Dell, HP, and Toshiba went up marginally during the period given and they also predominated by more than half combined in each year to other companies. There was a small increase in Dell’s market share by around 4%, from 16. 6% to 20. 2%. HP followed by the addition of more than 3% in their market share, from 31. 4% to exactly 34%. However, Toshiba experienced the smallest growth by only around 1%, from 6. 2% to 7. 3%. On the other hand, Fujitsu-Siemens, Acer, Lenovo, and other companies' market shares declined in 2007 compared to 2006. In fact, Fujitsu-Siemens was the company with the highest adverse by more than 2%, from 4. 8% to only 2. 3%, the lowest in 2017. Acer and Lenovo's market shares were fell by less than 1%, from 11. 6% to 10. 7% (Acer) and 6. 6% to 6. 2% for the latter. Meanwhile, the other companies’ market share went down by 2. 5%, from 22. 8% to 19. 3%.
The table gives information about several laptop and notebook
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companies’
global
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market
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share
between 2006 and 2007.
Overall
, Dell, HP, and Toshiba experienced a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
growth, while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
of Fujitsu-Siemens, Acer, Lenovo, and
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other
manufactures decreased
slightly
.

On one hand, the
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market
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shares
of Dell, HP, and Toshiba went up
marginally
during the period
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
given and
they
also
predominated by more than half combined in each year to
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other
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companies
. There was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
increase in Dell’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
by around 4%, from 16. 6% to 20. 2%. HP followed by the addition of more than 3% in their
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market
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share
, from 31. 4% to exactly 34%.
However
, Toshiba experienced the smallest growth by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 1%, from 6. 2% to 7. 3%.

On the
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other
hand, Fujitsu-Siemens, Acer, Lenovo, and
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
'
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market
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shares
declined in 2007 compared to 2006. In fact, Fujitsu-Siemens was the
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company
with the highest adverse by more than 2%, from 4. 8% to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2. 3%, the lowest in 2017. Acer and Lenovo's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shares
were fell by less than 1%, from 11. 6% to 10. 7% (Acer) and 6. 6% to 6. 2% for the latter. Meanwhile, the
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other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
market
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
share
went down by 2. 5%, from 22. 8% to 19. 3%.
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IELTS academic The table below shows the worldwide market share of the notebook computer market for manufacturers in the years 2006 and 2007.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
212 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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Task Achievement: 6.5
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